Daily Rescue

    Things have felt tough lately. Not because of what seems like would be the obvious reasons. Yes, I recently lost a baby at 4 months of pregnancy. I picture our sweet baby, after delivery, lying on my chest, and being held in the palm of my husband's hand, his tiny fingers and toes were perfect. He had two ears and you could see his eyelids were formed. He had details only God could have created. It was a spiritual experience, birthing sweet Parley. Just as it had been just over 5 years ago, birthing our sweet Dallin. This experience would be easy to pin my struggles on, the heartache of losing another child that we were so excited to raise and hold and snuggle. Nonetheless, I feel such peace most of the time, there are moments of sadness for sure, sometimes it hits hard, but most often it's just beautiful peace. Because I know God's plan, and I know I will see my sweet babies again and they will be a part of my forever family.

       Things feel tough right now because every day life is busy and exhausting and hard.  Our mortal bodies are weak, we worry about the safety and health of those we love, we try to find a balance of all things (which often seems comical, it's like someone is laughing at me and as soon as I get one end of the scale balanced they create a bigger pile on the other end), I just often feel weary...I'm sure there is more we could all add on to the list.

     Today as I tried to devote myself to thoughts of my Savior, and how I could become more like Him, I had the question come to me...Why is it not very challenging for me to rely on and find peace through my Savior when it comes to losing a baby in the middle of a pregnancy, but yet finding peace  and joy in my daily life often feels so daunting? I mean after our loss, I have literally felt like my heart has been put back together by the ultimate healer, like I was carried, and am sent a package of Joy at the thought of our little one.  That may seem like a little much, but that is how I feel for the most part. Now there was anger, anguish, heartache and all the in between felt at some point, and it may creep back in from time to time, but overall I feel so blessed by the Healing provided by my Savior, Jesus Christ.
     
      So I began pondering the question of why I feel like I'm dragging myself through the week with exhaustion and little sunshine and rainbows even though there is not a dark cloud in sight. I went through the thought process of, well, maybe I have just taken too much on. I have a full time job, Joey has a full-time job, a couple of part time gigs, and we both volunteer a good bit at church with various meetings and responsibilities, oh and there's that college class I am taking that hurts my brain and requires way too much effort for one college class...and of course, there is our 4 children that we are trying to keep alive and well and all that comes with that, that must be it, it's just too much, right?

   So I started thinking, what can we cut back on? We'll definitely keep our kids, lol, we love them more than anything. We love our jobs right now and are blessed to have the ones we do. We love serving in our church responsibilities, and I love challenging myself in my college class. All these are good things and I could not think of anything we could do without. I feel like even with the hecticness, we really do try to keep things simple and not take on more than necessary.

    After pondering, I realized it's not about being burdened, life will always seem to be "too much".  It's about sharing the burden. It's so obvious when we have a large trial that we can't make it unless we share the burden with our Savior Jesus Christ, but I often times feel like the burden of everyday life I forget to share with Him. Why is that? Do I think He just wants to help me when I'm at the end of my rope instead of all along the way? Or maybe I know He can help me, but maybe I feel prideful about needing His help with such petty things.
 
   Either way, I realize that I know God wants to help us in our daily endeavors. I think for me it is remembering Him Daily in a way that His Power will reside with me and lift me, just like I remembered him as I was overcoming a gut wrenching trial of experiencing a miscarriage. I literally turned to Him during that hard time, devoted time and energy to drawing near to Him, and I have to make it a priority to turn to Him daily, not partially but completely, just as my life depended on it, just as if I would if I was at the end of my rope. We have so many factors in our life that can make it feel like we are in the latest version of a Spartan Race, and sometimes what feels like a never ending one. Whether it's depression, anxiety, insecurity, having cancer or other illness, working through trauma from a past experience, addiction, divorce, loss, loneliness, disappointment, fears, or so many other things, and although our Savior may not make the burden go away, He can make it lighter, He will share the burden with you.

   So this week, I will dig deeper by allowing my Savior to rescue me daily, not just when I'm about to fall off a cliff or crumble to pieces, but every single day. It will take effort, more than a quick prayer being said as I climb out of bed or am half asleep and more than a christian podcast being played and only partially listened to. Although, those efforts surely have good intentions and come with some degree of spiritual nourishment because of the righteous desire. But to be rescued daily, it will require more.  It will be personal, and it will require discipline. I will turn to Him more intentionally on a daily basis, and be humble in acknowledging I need Him...Every...Single...Hour. There is so much distraction, and so much to do, but I will make time to draw nearer to my God and He will bring Joy to everyday, maybe not every moment, but everyday I will have Joy because I am giving each day to Him, and allowing Him to lift me as I turn to Him.


     I will show my Faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ, by trusting that He can lift me in my daily burdens, not just my "I'm falling apart", gut wrenching burdens.  He is the Master Healer, He can heal big or small. Trust in Him!